About three years ago, I fell drastically and catastrophically in love.

An international long-distance relationship followed that has seen me furtively hunched in front of computer screens, iPhone or iPad late at night to avoid detection and has cost me plenty of money, all with the promise of making me look and feel amazing.

I refer, of course, to ASOS.

Oh, you beautiful thing, you

ASOS came into my life as I was growing increasingly fed-up with Adelaide's retail offerings. A trek around any shopping centre or mall revealed nothing but same shiz, different shop. And the prices! There is nothing as galling as being overseas and paying donuts for Australian brands then coming home to be absolutely fleeced as soon as you hit the terra firma of Terra Australis.

It wasn't my first venture into online shopping, obvs, I've been a registered eBay member since September 2001. Settle down, it was before the 11th, okay, I'm not all "ooh major terror attack, let's try and get some cheap Glenn Manton memorabilia while everyone's distracted". Anyway, I did score plenty of clothing through the Bay of e in the 00s before becoming disillusioned by the influx of retail shopfronts, Chinese warehouses and delusional housefraus thinking they can ask $50 for a very used pair of Diana Ferrari pumps.

Enter ASOS, who seduced me with their affordable fashion with FREE* shipping.

FREE SHIPPING. OM actual G.

Paying for shipping from Australian sites annoys me thoroughly, knowing that practically every US online retailer ships free within the US (and for a ridiculous amount internationally). I know we have to pay for handling and fuel and trucks and planes and courier vans and Farmers Union Iced Coffee to get things where they need to go.

BUT I DON'T WANT TO.


We are already paying a premium embedded into our retail prices. That $10 is an extra sale item or takes me up into a different browsing price point. I like to look good but I also like a bargain and tend not to spend big dollars on individual items. By which I mean I start pursing my lips and rolling my eyes at around $40, clicking "save for later" and waiting for the percentage-off sales.

Needless to say, I was disappointed when ASOS introduced a minimum spend of $35 for free shipping earlier this year.

Okay, sure, I *may* spend $35 in *most* of my transactions but what about when I don't?

So I bought Premier membership for $39 (annual fee). I get unlimited free express delivery and free returns so I can take more gambles and buy more stuff without having to pay for shipping.

That'll show 'em.